Before I explain what I mean by quiet rebellion, I thought I’d share some reflections on the year— the highlights and the lowlights.. even the worst. I’ll start with the hard stuff so I can chase it with what’s good.

So, I thought me & Dwight might divorce a few times this year.

Just a few.

Pretty stiff, huh?

I never posted about that, did I? Now’s a good time. Sharing about it then would’ve been dumb— like gettin’ in a car wreck and the first thing I think to do is pull up Facebook instead of calling 911. No assessing  injuries or damage, just alert social media that it’s all gone to shit. That’s just dumb.

These fights were sudden. They got real intense, real quick. Like car accidents that happen that you wish you had video of because your’e not even quite sure how in the world it happened. One second you’re merrily driving along, singing to the music and the next you’re in a head on collision. You’re upside down, disoriented and emotions are blazin’. Whose fault is this???? Harsh, angry words too quickly size it all up as a total loss. “I’m done.”

I still have a hard time wrapping my head around how quickly it can go from the best thing ever to nothing— or does it? Is it just a total loss for words? Is it anger & fear taking over in the moment? That’s my best guess, because we don’t know of a couple who are happier and closer than we are 98.5ish % of the time.

These hard moments were fairly quickly resolved and we carried on in our usual loving & affectionate way. Maybe it  sounds weird to some. I don’t know. This is how our relationship goes sideways sometimes. It’s great when it’s good, but it can get horrendous when its bad. It’s never physical — but it’s an emotional beating for sure. 

Seriously, I’ve never seen a good love story without some drama— wouldn’t bother even watching one, would you? It’s not that I like drama or conflict. Not at all, but I don’t like dull and lifeless either. If a couple doesn’t have any fights, why are they even together? Because obviously neither cares enough. Ok— I’m kinda kidding. Maybe that’s not it. Maybe some couples have reached an optimal level of emotional health & maturity that we’ve not ascended to. Or maybe we just so intensely love that a breakdown is equally intense.

We’re both from broken homes, have had to learn what a healthy relationship even looks like and we’re still a work in progress. Cut us some slack. Overall, I think we’re doing pretty damn good. Even if one day the relationship is totaled  for some reason, I’d still have to look back and admit that we have loved each other very well.

I expect there to be more struggles between us in 2024 and beyond, being that we’re human and all. But hopefully, we’ll continue learning how to have healthy fights.  It takes a little digging deep inside to see what’s really being “said” underneath the angry outbursts. Of course its preferable to develop communication skills when all is calm & bright, but that’s just not usually the way it goes, now is it? Instead, something or other cuts deeply, our hearts are exposed  and immediate responses are often self-protection, anger— and very likely under all that is fear. If we can get honest about what’s really going on underneath the anger, fights can be an opportunity to know ourselves and one another much deeper. We can get better at communicating; at feeling vulnerable and exposed to our partner. That’s the goal. That’s real intimacy and friendship— the most necessary aspects of a good marriage. It’s not perfect at all, but we can feel safe there, even after its all been badly shaken, because there’s enough of a foundation of love & trust there to come back home to. 

One of the biggest delights of 2023 came just days ago as I was listening to The Trauma Therapist Podcast with Guy MacPherson. He interviews thought-leaders in the field and that day  spoke with a world-renowned psychologist. The caption for that episode especially caught my attention:  #785 “The Meaning of Adult Attachment with Dr. Sue Johnson.”

I was excited to listen, as someone well aware of her (my) attachment issues. I’ve come to understand that attachment theory figures heavily into all human relationships — even those whose childhoods were seemingly safe & secure. Add some traumas, some adverse experiences and it’s quite a challenge.

Being passed around as a child to no less than 10 different homes of family or friends (some good, some not so much), living on couches or in spare rooms that weren’t my own— unable to have a deep trustworthy bond with a single adult is a lot to rise above. It’ll never be perfectly resolved in this life and that’s just as well. This weakness is the thing that makes the perfect love and security I have in Jesus Christ my most treasured possession. It has changed my life and relationships — allowing me to overcome so many fears and insecurities. Having found complete acceptance of myself through Hiis eyes means living profoundly free-er of needing to find such validation in anyone else. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t at all believe having Jesus means needing no one else. We were created for relationship— first with Him, but that was meant to make relationships with others all the more deep and rich.

Dr. Sue didn’t disappoint. She teaches of how attachment issues aren’t resolved when we become adults. We transfer our need for attachment to our partners. I love her no nonsense approach, distilling decades of observation and learning into straight talk. She explained how all society’s posing and posturing with claims that we don’t or shouldn’t need others; that to be a whole person is to be totally independent is “horse shit.” Any subscriber to that false belief is “someone waiting to get knocked off their perch.” She explained— whole, strong, secure adults know they’re vulnerabilities, accept and cope with them, tune into their own emotions, befriend them, order them, and reach for other people. God, I loved it. Heaven sent, good & helpful information right there. We’re Created For Connection, which happens to be the title of one of her books that’ll be dispensed on my doorstep any day now.  Also on it’s way is her book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations For A Lifetime of Love. 

Not only did Dr. Sue have me at “horse shit” but also when she relayed a bit of the story as to how she felt led into the field of couple’s therapy. She recalled being a little girl and hearing  her parents’ horrendous fights and how one particular day when  her and her grandmother sat beside each other at the top of the stairs listening to yet another screaming match, she asked, “Why do they fight like this?” And her grandmother answered, “because they love each other, dear.” 

I mean— short, and unexpectedly sweet— right?

Of course,  her desire to understand human nature intensified and ultimately taught her much to share with struggling couples. Not the least of which is the fact that we are human and things WILL go sideways. 

Even, the well educated, world-renowned Dr. Sue Johnson shared about a recent, loud, public fight with her son at a cafe where everyone knew exactly who she was. What of it? She’s still human she reasons. I liked her even more. I’m sure I’ll be writing n 2024 about things I’m learning from her.

So, those few fights were the worst of 2023, but because I believe all this somehow works for my good and makes me a better person, maybe I should consider it a highlight, too.

Something I was excited to begin didn’t happen like I wanted— – – cross-country road trip planning. We did a little at the start of 2023, but then it fizzled out. I’m hoping to get our butts in gear planning again. I’m good at re-igniting the fire of dreams. That’s the good thing about taking to time to reflect. What fell by the wayside that we want to pick up again?

ThIs garden season was only okay. The deer did more damage this year than ever. I’m typing harder even thinking of how they had devoured something new every stinking day— even things I didn’t think they ate, like ivy! I’m declaring war in 2024.

Every day, I watched several liriope plants die a little more and a little more. What in the world??? This stuff always did so well for me and it’s such a good foundation plant. A Google search told me it was likely root rot. No stopping it. Kiss it goodbye. There was some kind of funky fungus that popped up here and there in the mulch I put down and I think that’s what did it.  I gotta come up with something new to plant there — or not. The older I get, the more I like making less to tend to. I’ll always be a gardener, but when it’s too much — when it becomes a burden rather than an enjoyment, I need to scale back.

I’m allowing a season of rest for my 2 raised vegetable beds. I’m only going to build the soil in them. I’ll give the extra time to other areas in the landscape that need attention and PROTECTION!

We almost, but not quite reached our goal of NOT putting anything on credit this year. It was a great goal. Maybe we couldn’t always pay down our debt in whopping chunks, but what we could try to do was at least put a freeze on it. It could ONLY go down and that’s a win in my book.

We did real good and then we went out Christmas shopping and got a little carried away like we can sometimes. But we should be able to pay it off right away, so I’m gonna cheer us on and shoot for the same goal in 2024.

What else? Oh… the Thanksgiving turkey. We tried deep-frying it for the first time this year. Let’s just say that Clark Griswold’s turkey looked better. I wish I had videoed how crispy it was — might’ve won us some cash on AFV. It’s a good thing we had a delicious ham. We gnawed it to the bone. That and all the fixins made up for our deep fried disaster. I love oven roasted turkey anyway. I’m kinda glad it didn’t work out. 

That’s all the lows I can think of. Not bad at all. Now for the highs…

One of the best things this year was Dwight moving out of production at his job and into maintenance— a move we wished he’d made sooner, but fear of not having the same amount of overtime and pay held us back. No more. It was time to take that leap. Better late than never. I can’t tell you how much happier he is. I never heard him come home and report a “good” day in production. He was always ran ragged and pushed to run faster, harder, longer.. Those days are over. The man loves his tools and  fixing machines. He literally calls it “playing”.

What’s more, he went from 2nd shift to 1st shift. Oh my goodness is it healthier for us as we get older and really need to take these tings into account. We so enjoy eating together and going to bed early every night together. Satisfaction in your work, rest, reducing stress, more time together— just as important to health as nutrition and exercise — if not moreso. Measuring success in dollars is always a mistake.

We’re bummed that the powers that be have decided to start a new, 12 hour shift in January. They try to sell it like its a plus for the workers. We ain’t stupid. It’s a plus for their bottom line like all their decisions are. Even so, it’s preferable to us over 2nd or 3rd shift and we will roll with the changes that are out of our control like we always do. We’ll find the good one way or another. We’ll do whatever we can to protect our peace, health and happiness together because that will always be our bottom line.

In March, I completed a 12 month course through Give Her Wings Academy, a Christian ministry dedicated to helping women and children leaving abusive situations — spiritual, emotional and physical. Not only would this formal instruction help me be a better advocate for victims, but it greatly reinforced me in my own healing journey to overcome abuse.

I had a serious knee injury in the summer of 2022 when we were tearing down part of the exterior of our house.for a remodel. It only continued to heal this year. I regained new strength in that leg. No setbacks. As severe as it was, it’s almost as if I’d never injured it. I attribute much of this to my job cleaning houses that forces me to use it— the main advice given from a physical therapist.

We finished the remodel on our side entry room that was damaged by a fallen tree in 2022. It was an instance of something bad working for something better since it enabled us to completely remodel the exterior of that poorly constructed addition. We got new windows too! We changed it from an eyesore to a style we both love— board & batten.

We also had the other “twin” poplar tree removed that threatened more possible damage to our property..

We replaced the umbrella on our back deck with a shade sail that’s perfect for our often windy location. The posts allowed us to cross-cross lights on our deck the way I’ve longed to have them.  I know it sounds like a silly little thing to some, but I’m a sucker for string lights, candles— anything that gives a cozy, romantic feel to our spaces. 

We enjoyed another awesome Hatteras beach vacation in North Carolina, much of it spent with our Frisco Woods camping neighbors, turned dear friends from South Carolina., Brett & Alison. We had such a good time participating in their oceanfront wedding ceremony and sound side reception at the campground. It was a simple, beautiful event with them, a couple of their good friends, Casey & Ashlee, their dogs and us. An unforgettable, good time! 

I celebrated a year of intermittent fasting in July — a way of life that I expect to continue happily ever after.  I’ve loosened it up a bit because I want to be happy— never overly restrictive— and happiness IS healthy. I can also report after almost a year and a half, intermittent fasting still has not caused any muscle loss.

I enjoyed kayaking on the James River for the first time with Dwight and some of his coworkers. So much more fun than being on a lake and it’s the perfect place to be on those really hot days. I’m excited for more river adventures this year.

We totally transformed our fire pit area, sourcing our own huge rocks from a friend’s property to use for the retaining wall. And even though the digging became dreadful — all the work was worth it. It still impresses me that we pulled it off. We even made our own solid wood Adirondack chairs and tables for it. I love anything that makes home a retreat from the world.  That’s how it should be.

Although we didn’t get to do much in the way of planning for a future cross-country road trip, we did get to test out our roof-top tent for the first time in Linville Falls, North Carolina. We’ll need to get well-acquainted with it before going cross-country. We realized again how lucky we are to live where we do, because we drove pretty far away to see that where we live is just as beautiful, if not moreso. Sometimes life is like that though, right? Putting some space and time between us and our everyday helps the appreciation of what we already have grow. 

October was especially busy, but fun with our beach campground neighbors from South Carolina, Brett & Alison, coming in for a weekend visit.  It’s a treat to  be a tour guide in your own area — highlighting all that’s beautiful and meaningful around you. We probably had too much on the itinerary, even so, it was a truly special time, growing our friendship.

We had another great camping trip at Douthat State Park in the Allegheny Mountains of Virginia— only about an hour from our home. It’s our favorite way to soak up October. There’s something so perfect about fall camping.

October also brought me much deeper (finally) into the world of herbalism. As a long-time grower of herbs and lover of essential oils, I’ve longed to learn to make products that I can use .

I was kinda pulled into it as I searched the internets for how I might reverse my iron-deficiency anemia, which continues to be the report of my bloodwork, year after year. I’ve tried supplements, but they’re  a no go. My diet includes plenty of iron rich foods, so that wasn’t the issue. Then I came across a doctor with the same problem who claims her DIY herbal iron syrup did the trick, So, I made it. I take it. We shall see. 

I also learned that many young athletes are found to.be anemic due to intense training; their bodies destroying red blood cells faster than they can be replenished. I’m neither young, nor an athlete, but I am very active and often push myself too hard. I’m paying special attention to my body’s need for an appropriate pace and rest. I recently took some steps to adjust my schedule so that I no longer come home from work later than 5 pm. I so appreciate this body that works so hard for me. She deserves to be well cared for every day. I’ll be getting bloodwork again in March to see how things are coming along inside.

All that research got me serious about herbal education in general. I’ve got a wee little herbal library and apothecary growing, and I’m excited to continue.  If all goes according to plan, at this time in 2024 I’ll be fairly well acquainted with 12 different herbs. One herb will get special attention every month. 

The idea of narrowing my focus to a specific thing each month is a good plan for other areas of interest to me. My brain is overloaded with things I want to do, and trying to retain them and make progress with it all can feel like trying to rake leaves  in a windstorm.

So, I can just pick 2 or 3 things to go deep with for a month — let the rest go for now, knowing they will get their attention soon. Nothing will be lost. Is it just me or does that seem crazy appealing to you too?

Christmas time was peaceful and simple— just the way we like it. I usually have a standing rib roast for Christmas dinner, but this year we enjoyed a good old fashioned pot roast with potatoes, carrots and gravy. We had a small ham and yeast rolls too because why not?

The tree was thrown out the door the day after Christmas because I’m ready to start fresh NOW. I’ve decorated for winter, I’m wishing for snow, I’ve so enjoyed reflecting on quite a FULL year and appreciate this time to rest by our cozy wood stove and dream about what may come.

Our hopes for the year are to continue cleaning up our land — all the brush and junk from previous owners. We’d like to make some progress on plans we have for the exterior of our house. And I hope to be more consistent with creating and writing. Learning to digitize my artwork is at the top of the list.

I’m hopeful about getting good internet access in these parts soon. While so much of the world connects to the web with ease, it’s slim pickins here. No streaming. No ability to pull up the socials and get updates at decent hours. We refused satellite Wi-Fi, disconnecting from that highway robbery a long time ago. We’ve made do with cell phones. But Firefly has dropped lines all around here to connect us to fiber broadband anytime now……..woo-hoo!

I often feel like a walking contradiction. Why would I so want the complexities that can come with greater access to the internet? One of the most ironic tings is that technology can be a huge help to those of us who want to simplify! There are so many resources there that teach how to do just that. Crazy right? It’s all in how we use it. I value people who share their lives and what helps them. That’s why I do it!

This leads me finally to the quiet rebellion I mentioned at the start… What do I mean?

One thing I’m not looking forward to in 2024 is that it’s an election year. I’m already sick of politicians and talking heads doing all they can to provoke the people more and more. Of course, the messages of fear, anger and hatred are going to grow far more intense & far crazier. Yay.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I believe people should avoid politics altogether. It’s that the political involvement that we should be engaging in is holding ALL elected officials accountable rather than simply the ones we hate. That proper involvement seems to be a thing of the very distant past. When the entire system is corrupt, and those demanding our involvement are only playing the divisive games of their parties and profits— count me out. My main involvement will be telling the truth about the corruption of it all. That IS being politically active. Some folks just don’t like it. You either hate who they hate or you are demonized and treated as someone supporting their enemies. There is no tolerance for actually thinking for yourself.

While it seems the vast majority of American society — even (especially) Christian America, looks to government to change the downward spiral it seems we’re in and the pressure to fall in line with this or that campaign grows, a minority like myself who does not look to government or politicians for rescue, better get tougher to not conform to this world system and be swept away with it all.

Everything I shared was a reflection of how we try to live a kind of quiet rebellion to all that societal pressure and all that political craziness. It demands our attention and tries to take control of our hearts and minds. The ruler of this world is certainly behind this system that only seeks to “steal, kill and destroy” —not in obvious ways, but as something with an appearance of goodness. We’re distracted from where our real hope is and our peace is stolen, our personal lives and church communities are neglected and destroyed because we lose sight of our responsibilities within us and right among us.

We try hard to keep our priorities straight in a culture trying to twist them. We aren’t trying to change things and people beyond our control. We are only trying to change what we can. That doesn’t mean we’re never outspoken about much larger issues — only that the circumstances we find ourselves in aren’t ultimately in the control of or the responsibility of some other person OUT THERE—some politician that’s going to turn it all around. God alone can turn it around, and He makes it real clear who and how He expects us to live to that end.

”He has shown you, O man what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” -Micah 6:8

When asked what the greatest commandment of the Law was, Jesus answered:

”Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” -Matthew 22:37-40

Too many people neglect the smaller, weightier matters of justice right in front of them —in their own families and communities and expect someone else; some elected official to make their country a better place. I get it. It’s much easier to want someone else to do the hard things. But peace and prosperity cannot work without people who will actually stand up for what’s right — when it’s hard. Doing our own work on ourselves and what we can in our relationships goes so much farther than anything else we can do to effect change in our society.

While Jesus most definitely brings peace between the individual and God and a peace that surpasses all understanding is carried deep within us, He does not promise peace between us and all others. Following Him very often means losing some of our closest relationships. He said so.

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law— a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. Anyone who loves their father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of Me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for My sake will find it.” -Matthew 10:34-39

A person loyal to Jesus Christ — desiring to obey HIM; doing what is right and just is likely to find themselves having to stand against their very own… a father, a mother, a son… those right in our own families. It is an act of love for all involved to stand opposed to someone destructive. Why would we enable our closest acquaintances to destroy themselves and others and call it love?

Though it can be initially hard to walk away from destructive relationships with those we love, it’s quite a peaceful life to have our hope in the right place, good boundaries, a clear conscience, and our responsibilities whittled down from carrying the weight of the world to simply tending our own garden— our own hearts and minds, and our small sphere of influence and activity in the day to day. That’s it. That’s a quiet rebellion against the tyranny of a society (Satan) trying to pull us along in a downward spiral of fear and anger with it, putting their hope in the wrong place, people and things.

I love this well-known, simple prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

A plaque with those words hung in the kitchen of my childhood home, but that’s all it was— unheeded words on a wall. There was no peace there, only a whole lot of self-inflicted pain. Only someone who believed he was a victim of everyone and everything else around him, especially women and liberals.

Though he was supposedly a Christian leader, there was no personal accountability for his abuses of people — for his destructive choices and behavior— just blame-shifting and a repulsive sense of entitlement. Blame went all the way to the top. The angriness of politics constantly fanned the flames of hatred in his heart and further blinded him from looking into the mirror at what truly takes a country down —one deceptive, grossly hypocritical life at a time. He even blamed God Himself for the way his life turned out.

Unfortunately, because there was no one else there but me, I was forced to carry far too much of the weight of his choices. It was a very sick, spiritually and emotionally abusive relationship, perpetuated by a church system that is failing miserably to address abuses in the camp, keeping so many innocent people trapped. But God saw and heard it all and in His great compassion, rescued me from so much darkness and confusion. This is the reason, I share what I do today. He set me free and I will follow Him to the ends of the earth.

It wasn’t a politician who made the change that matters — that helps a little girl trapped in darkness and lies and dysfunction, one day rise above it all, new — to begin the work of healing so many generational wounds. We have to stop believing the lies that people with big voices and platforms and positions hold all the power. God alone ultimately holds every bit of it and He uses the ordinary, the insignificant, the small, the weak. I have to ask Christians that don’t know that simple fact about Him— if they really know Him well at all.

“Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things that are not—to nullify the things that are so that no one may boast before Him.” -1 Corinthians 1:26-29

All the people around us may pressure us to lift up someone else— to fix our eyes and hope on some man—some system —to fear this or that, but I’m fixing my eyes where they belong on Jesus Christ and His transforming power. I’m working to change only those things given to me — within my control, namely myself, and trusting in the goodness of God come what may, knowing He’ll always be with me and will never let me down.

“And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” -Jesus (John 12:32)

Fightin’ the good fight,

Jamie ❤️✌️